This week I am in Orlando.

I am not going to go to any amusement parks because that is not me. I need rest and relocation. I am here because the Michigan weather has driven me out. I cannot take another sunless grey sky. I am here to eat prosciuto with expensive french cheese and to wash it down with wine. I vow to be here in a bathing suit all week. I vow to drink Coronas with lime. I am here to take a week away from my mundane existence and figure why I slug away, kick and claw. I need to put some meaning back into my routine. I am here to sit in a hot tub, take long warm baths and get a back rub.

I am that spoiled little brat needing to be pampered and to soak in sunshine. My soul needs something new and a vacation is what I know I need.

I like this moment in my life. I have the power to decide to get my ass in the car and drive until I feel and see sunshine. We all need moments like these. Time away. Time to think. Time to push our faces toward the sun. Time to recharge our batteries and ask the proverbial divine, “Where am I going?” “Why am I trying to get there?” “What is the point in all of this?”

For years I have wanted to write. So now I am at that point in my life when I don’t have any more excuses for not writing. So I need to begin the process. I am here to begin that chapter. I started the process— it’s official. I came and I wrote.  

I even out of habit write out a new updated to-do-list.

I am also here to spend time with my youngest child. Sometimes I realize I don’t even really know her. Who is this person that lives with me, whom I am responsible for and have taken care of for twelve years? I love her and yet sometimes I think I barely know her. Days do that to a person and to a family. The demand to make money to pay the mortgage, electric, water bill and groceries keeps me on the gerbil treadmill. I have responsibilities. It is not just me and I have to take care of three girls. I do my best but my time with them can be limited. I am like a stretch arm strong being pulled in several different directions. In that demand I am also trying to be true to me. True to my soul. I want to focus on my health, my work out schedule, and the need to help others. To contemplate and reflect what I would like to get out of a romantic relationship—to have or not to have a love life?

My conclusion: I am spread like butter on toast. Thin and melted. I am lacking any real substance. I am no good to anyone like this.

This week has fettered away and I am left with just a few more hours. I am better for being here. I have some new short term goals. I want to be a better mother, a better lawyer, more creative, more organized, more thankful….I just want to be more of everything.

I have reconnected with myself for just a few moments. It appears that I might be able to continue to face the mundane with more energy and passion. At least for awhile longer.

Thank you Orlando. I am taking some of you back home to Michigan with me.