Fireworks & Fireflies
Parts of this day were wonderful. The other pieces didn’t fit. I found myself, at moments, alone. I was fighting becoming depressed.Â
It is amazing what a phone call or text from a friend can do.
I need to remind myself that is how life can be. I like to think that someone is really looking out for me in this universe. That some sort of string is linking me to some sort of positive energy.
But like always I have my doubts. I always have these doubts.
I don’t know why I get stuck. Part of my problem is that I get frustrated that things are not happening fast enough for me. I need to remind myself that I am not on a time line. I struggle with this. I have a lot I want to accomplish with my work, my house, personal projects, my books and other things I want to do and learn.Â
I really want to know if anyone else has this problem. I don’t feel that anyone else shares their imperfections with me. It would help if others confessed or if I knew others felt the way I do. I don’t like feeling that I am so alone.
I have also alienated some people. I know I am doing it. I am conscious of it.  They want parts of me I cannot give. Conditions are placed. I pull back. I crawl back into my bed and pull the covers over my head. A dissolving of sorts. So I guess I actively choose to be alone. Then rebel against it.Â
This is just all so very screwed up.  Â
I could take an easier road (but we all know that this might not really be easier). I choose not too. I could link myself to men who have voiced that someday they want to take care of me. I could move in with a so-and-so. They push. I pull away. Maybe as I get older there will be no more offers. This is a true possibility (they remind me of this). They want to move so swift and fast. I think a lesser, lazier, more insecure woman would take up these offers. I am true to myself because I am a horrible actress. They appear to want me. I don’t yet want them.  Then I am sure if I changed my mind it would be the reverse. It’s that crazy circular cycle.
The why’s and why not’s crop up. I am tried of thinking about them.Â
So I choose to be alone. But I really don’t want to be alone.
My solution to my oneness is to work a second job. I would work a third or fourth job if I had to. I don’t understand why I have to explain it.Â
I just crave for someone to understand it.
Today my focus was to spend what remaining moments I had with my middle child. She is my Sarah. She is an amazing person. We talked and had real conversation. We went out to dinner together. I learned things I didn’t know about her. Before I knew it our time together was gone. She was off and running to work. I am now on her time line. Then I was left alone at home. The other girls all off in different directions. They all will be gone for the next several weeks.
I have never spent 4th of July home alone. Maybe this was what I was supposed to experience: A void, solace and distance.
I didn’t like any of it.Â
Amy calls. I am invited to a happy home full of fireworks and fireflies. Children are in the back yard. It is full of marshmallows, chocolate, wine and beer. There is laughter and genuine like. These people care about me. I don’t have to give anything back. I feel they enjoy me for me. This feeling is mutual. I don’t have to explain anything. They just understand.
When I drive home the fireworks are all going off downtown G.R. The expressway gives me the best seat in the house. My review mirror captures it all.Â
I know I am headed home to an empty house. The pieces don’t fit. It is too late for anymore texts or phone calls.
I tell myself that I just have to learn how to weather these voids.
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about 11 years ago
Jodi,
They say you know who your true friends are when everyone else abandons you during your time of need. Amy is there for you and will be always because she is a true friend, and so will be your girls. I wanted to be your friend as well and wanted to be there for you when you needed me. But I was selfish because I was sad and hurt that you were no longer a part of my life. Perhaps because the pain of my divorce was so great, I could not take another hurt like it. I abandoned you for my own selfish reasons.
I miss your calls to see how your day is going. I miss how good you made me feel when I needed someone. You are a breath of fresh air; you are an amazing lady. Unfortunately you still have a hard time accepting my friendship because you think I want something more from you than you can give. Perhaps you see something that I cannot but my intentions were never to hurt you; but I guess I did. I was a good person and loyal to my wife but what I got in return was her betrayal.
Forest Gump Gal’s wrote that I did not treat my wife as my equal. Maybe I did not in her eyes and perhaps I should have done a better job of it. Unfortunately I do not know her and she does not know me but I did the best I could to provide for my wife and children. I thought this was my duty as a husband and a father.
We always shared everything including our money, and the only thing I wanted to treat her as my dad did with my mom. He loved her and she respected him as the head of household but he never treated her as anything but an equal. If anything, she was his queen and he knew that and treated her accordingly. I hope someday you will find someone who will treat you like his queen.
I care for you very much and I have no right to be sad that you liked someone else. We are far apart from each other and long distance relationships do not work. I know how I feel about you and nothing is going to change that. But I need to be there for you as a friend first so that you can trust me. I will never hide my feelings towards you even when I know you do not feel the same way about me and that is okay.
I want to be there for a person who will not betray me. For a lady who will accept my feelings towards her as true. Maybe someday I will find that person who will understand what true love is all about. Christ said there is no greater love than to lay down your life for a friend. If you find a friend like that then you will find true love.
I want you to know that you are not alone and that someone is watching over you in this universe. You just need to open your eyes and accept it. You need to know that God is always looking over you and is with you. He was there for you when your husband abandoned you and your daughter that morning. He was there to protect you from his abuse, and sometimes he just wants you to think of him when you are lonely and sad and have no one to turn to except him. He wants you to know that you need him and trust me, he knows what you need. We often pray to God when we want something and he listens. The problem is that we want the answers in our time, but he gives them in his! Trust in him and let him take care of you. He will make you someone’s queen someday. He will make sure that you are treated as you should be, as God’s daughter!
When you are down and alone and the kids are gone and you need someone to talk to, call me. I will be here for you as a friend.
The inventor
about 11 years ago
Inventor,
You obviously have a strong belief in God. If you believe so strongly in him you should have a conversation with him about all of your pain. It is obviously raw. You seem to be in a very dark place. You need to take care of yourself before you start involving other people. They can’t take away that kind of pain.
about 11 years ago
Huh, good perspectives by both of you. I say…
pass the wine around, i’m thirsty.
-SM 🙂
about 11 years ago
Amy,
Yes I believe in God with all my heart. Who do you think has kept me going? If you do not know him I pray that you do. We have a choice in this life, to live our life according to the Lord or according to our desires. I choose the Lord. Whom do you choose?
about 11 years ago
I think you choose bitterness and anger. I choose peace and joy. I don’t think discussing our spirituality is going to be positive for either one of us. I wasn’t attacking your religion before; I was suggesting you turn to it in your search for happiness.
about 11 years ago
I think everyone that knows me understands that I am all about discussing ideas, thoughts, opinions etc. openly and that we should learn and share experiences from each other. I think spirituality for each person is their own search. There are many teachings and views on this topic. What might be right for me might not be right for someone else. I value respect, kindness, and helping others in need. I really try not to judge others and look for constant self-improvement for myself. I love to read and to learn. Sometimes I really do wonder from last summer’s book club experience if really it is “all for nothing.” I have professor J to thank for all of that. Those are my questions and that is my search.
To my dear friend the Inventor. I do not think you are ready for a relationship. I really feel you are not emotionally, psychologically and pragmatically ready for a relationship and I say this because I sense from your responses you are seeking a relationship primarily to fill a void in your life or to gain a feeling of acceptance and belonging that was lost due to a broken relationship that ended or disappointed you. You still carry her betrayal with you in all of your comments. If you carry that suspicion forward you will look for it in future relationships. You will then pollute your relationship with this suspicion. Love her enough to let her go. That is hard to do when someone rejects you (believe me I know that) allow yourself to hurt but work on that hurt and move forward on your self improvement. Another person cannot be your answer. It definately is not my answer. I am learning how to be by myself. I am learning that I like it at times. I find that I don’t like it other times. I am here if you need or want to talk. I do not know what other women want and I don’t ever think about that—I guess I do know exactly what I do not want. I know that I don’t want to be the source of someone else’s happiness because I know from personal experience that I fail that person and that relationship never works. I also do not find myself asking what do other men want,. My focus has always been on asking questions: “What do I want to become? Who do I want to be? How do I get myself there? What do I like? What don’t I like? How can I be better?…and oh, don’t forget—-Where am I taking us on our next vacation?”
Work on the inventions