Years ago Garth Brooks’ ex-wife was kidnapped and held hostage by a man she briefly dated after her divorce.  I remember thinking “She must have been so mad at Garth” when I first heard the story.  If he had just been faithful and stayed married she wouldn’t have been out dating in the first place.


This weekend the guy I have been seeing told me he didn’t want to continue dating.  Given my many reservations about how young he seems for his already younger-than-me age, this isn’t earth shattering.  He definitely lives like a frat boy, and I figured the scheduling “difficulties” we were having were either youth and inconsiderateness or a passive break up.  I wasn’t even sure it was worth a conversation.  I debated initiating either my own passive break up or an actual break up.


In the end, though, I thought about how rarely I meet someone I actually want to connect with over meals and quiet moments, and I decided that it was worth a conversation.  I even mentally came to the conclusion that if he just needed some time to get used to the idea of dating – something he’s never really done before – I was okay with that.  He has the bones of a good man, and I have proven time and again that I can give a guy plenty of time to fill them in with muscle and flesh.


One of the things I had to come to terms with to make my decision was that I won’t force him (or anyone) to change.  If we dated for a while and he became more comfortable with dating and showed an interest in the things I was interested in, great.  If not, I would have had to end things anyway.


So I wasn’t envisioning happily ever after.  I was envisioning getting to know him better so I could decide how much potential we had for dating seriously.  But that was still serious enough to trigger monogamy and respect for his time and all of the things that go along with that whole state of being.


But he wasn’t.  His only explanation – and I didn’t push him for one – was that it was more than he wanted right now.  When he asked me if I wanted a serious relationship I said yes.  Because what I want at this stage in my life is to find someone I can be serious about.  Maybe it would have been more honest to give him the lengthy explanation, but it didn’t seem worth the effort.  We parted on a good note.


And then I got mad.  But not at him.  I got mad at my personal Garth Brooks.  If things had worked out with him I wouldn’t have to be dating right now.  I wouldn’t have to be going through all of this getting-to-know-you crap.  I wouldn’t still be looking for someone who lights me up the way he used to light me up.  I know how rarely I even come close to sparking with someone.  Tonight, for the first time, it occurred to me I might not ever find someone else.


It sucks.  And I am so mad at a guy who barely did anything wrong and so sad about a boy I barely know.