I am a work in progress.  I always try.  I know I fail.  I know I succeed.  I have this vision of the person I want to be.  I am my harshest critic.  I often find myself asking others what they think about a this or a that.   I have a lot of questions of myself and others around me.  I don’t know why I think I deserve the answers to my questions—-but I want to know and I believe I deserve the answers.

I don’t know why people are afraid to give me truthful answers even if they are ugly ones.  I try not to judge.  I try to hold myself accountable.  I have ugly thoughts too. 

I like to share my thinking with my friends.  I don’t understand people who are not into explaining their behaviors.  I don’t understand those who do not self-reflect. 

My motivations, I think, are genuine and pure.  I really just want to understand things and how they work.  How do I fit here?  My thoughts are constantly flowing and changing.  Why am I here?  What is it am I really supposed to do?  Who am I to be?  How am I to get there?  Where do I find all the answers to these questions?  What am I to you?  Why do you want pieces of my time?  What is it I love about you?  What is it you love about me? 

Let’s discuss vices…………..

I want to live in this world and enjoy it.  I believe that others forget to enjoy what is before them.  They spend too much of this life thinking about living in the next one.

I don’t want the opinion of others to worry or define me.  I hate strings attached to presents.  I value freedom of expression and choice.  I don’t like cruel words but I understand there are times we must use them.  I try to be good and kind.  I work hard because I feel I must and I enjoy it.  I like the feel of an accomplishment.  I love the feel of a well earned vacation even more. I try and bite my tongue and not talk ill of someone.  I fail horribly.  I don’t want to disappoint those I love and hold dear.  I know, at times, I disappoint.

I have pride that comes from independent self-reflection.  I have been told I have too much.  I suppose, if we were living in caves, it would be more acceptable if a man’s pride overshadowed my own.  I am looking around.  I don’t see any more caves. 

I am content with the phrase that one must have pride to rise above it.  I want to ask that man why he can have more of it and I cannot.

I don’t get a response to my question.

I crave knowledge.  I wish for wisdom.  I want my beauty and humor to add to this world.  I love laughter.  I know it can be hard to do the right thing.  I love and crave creativity.

I look to others for inspiration and hope when my thoughts get dark. 

What kind of person am I meant to be?   I want to add light to other’s lives as well.

I don’t like racism or stereotypes.  I find myself putting people into categories.  I want to love like crazy. 

I try to remember this simple fact: everyday when I awake, I am given another page.