Good Days

What I Would Tell My 12 year old Self.
Jan 11th
I recently saw this lovely blog post of a woman who is 37 years old and wrote to her 17 year old self. Â I was inspired to write to my 12 year old self since I recently turned 32.
Dear 12 year old Dani,
I have to say you are one amazing kid. Â I think deep down you always knew you were special, and the dreams that you have now, you will still have when you’re in your 30’s, such as, traveling the world, becoming a stripper, being a millionaire, having several boyfriends. Â However, here’s a few things that won’t happen. Â You won’t join the military and attend the U.S. Naval Academy. Â You will have washed that dream away by chasing some loser boyfriend around which will last for a measly 4 months, and it will take over a year to get over what you will call, heartache, to realize you were so much better than someone who gives two shits about himself. Â Plus, you’re going to realize that you don’t particularly like being told what to do which is the main reason why the military won’t workout.
You’ll sleep with several guys whom a few have a small penis. Â Surprisingly, one night you will meet a guy that proves that size doesn’t matter, but don’t worry, this is not the guy you marry. Â The guy you marry will come as a total surprise. Â His wallet is small, however, his penis is not, but you’ll realize that you both are good friends, and that’s what counts anyways….and having an amazing penis.
Let’s have the D and A talk. Â Smoking pot and drinking booze really isn’t all that bad. Â It’s actually quite fun. Â Just DON’T EVER, EVER DRINK AND DRIVE!! Â You’ll do it a couple of times, but you will be super grateful that nothing bad has ever come from it, which makes you a super lucky girl, and there is a reason why you belong to this beautiful, giving place called Earth. Â You will also partake in Ecstasy, in which I call, TinkerBell’s Turd. Â It’s going to be the most dangerous drug you will ever consume, but you won’t do it often….Thank God. Â Seriously, no worries. Â You can count on one hand how many times you do it. Â Just look out for the rolls of Mentos you eat. Â The canker sores are going to be a real bitch.
Going to see Roger Waters Live at the Van Andel Arena is actually quite boring, and you will wish you would have taken the Shrooms that was offered to you, but you won’t  because your’e a pussy, and you went in the name of love.  It will be well worth it in the end.
Losing your parents will be two of the most difficult things you will ever experience, but it will most defintely make you a better person from it.
Pissing $18,000 away will be the dumbest thing you ever do. Â Idiot!
Cutting your own hair while intoxicated will be the second dumbest thing you will ever do!
Finding a cute, blonde dog you named, Timber, will save your soul. Â Even though you will only keep him for a few weeks.
Cleaning the closet from your life is a good thing. Â You will go all about it in a shitty way, but you’re not a horrible person for doing it. Â As a matter of fact, it will make you realize what’s good for your heart and what will make it grow. Â Friends are like plants, if it’s dying, there is no need to keep feeding it.
Trust me, Â you will get fatter.
Dislocating your patella is going to hurt…..really bad.
I will say that I am so proud of you for still being a huge animal lover. Â Your love for little creatures will not go away, and that’s a great thing!!
Depression is a bitch…and it’s not good for your skin…..or your clothes.
You will consider participating in a triathlon more than you will consider jumping out of a plane with a parachute.
You will never hate chocolate no matter how happy or sad you really are.
You are going to LOVE to shoot people….with a camera!
You are meant to hop islands. Â You were born in one. You will bike all the way around one. Â You will get married in one. Â And your relatives (sorry to spoil the surprise, but you’ll be surprised none the less) live in different ones.
Publicly urinating will always be hilarious but you’ll eventually be embarrassed you keep doing it especially in your 30’s. Â Please, don’t ever get caught!! Â You will pee in the woods while a Doe is watching you…and it will be kinda awesome.
The best place to be is on a tube, in a river, drinking a nice cold beer. Â Strangely, it makes you feel closer to God.
Speaking of God, your relationship will change with him over the years, and you will feel differently about him over many different times in your life, but you will eventually see something beautiful in it, and your heart will feel like being on a tube, in a river drinking a beer.
You are going to end up surrounding yourself with some amazing people who make your heart warm, and inspire you to be a better person everyday. Â It has to do with the closet cleaning I mentioned earlier. Â Once you’ve done the cleaning, you’ll become an Awesome Magnet. Â So much so, you will find people you never thought were missing in the first place. Â Missing from your life, that is.
To sum it up, your next 20 years is really a roller coaster. Â Some times it’s up. Â Sometimes it’s down. Â Sometimes it dark. Â Most of the time the sun will beat on your face you’re scared, anxious, and happy all at the same time. Â And even though the ride is way too quick, you’re going to want to stay on.
I love you very much, 12 year old Dani. Â You are amazing and beautiful and annoying in so many ways. Â Don’t ever stop being loud, and keep laughing louder. Â Don’t quit dancing, and keep dancing until your legs hurt, especially, in a banana suit. Â Most importantly, make sure your Hug Box stays EMPTY….empty means you’ve been giving plenty of them out.
I love you with all my heart.
32 Year Old Dani
P.S. Â Don’t forget to clean the cat box and lock the doors.
Enjoy the Moment: Check
Jun 23rd
Tonight I huffed and puffed my way through what would generously be called a one-mile run. It was my first run in almost a month. It was slow. It was not pretty.
Today I focused on my job until my desk was clear. I don’t remember the last time I powered through so many assignments.
This afternoon I finished an almost-final draft of my resume. I feel good about its impending online publication.
I am in the process of doing my laundry.
I am coming back to life.
The last four weeks have been amazing. I have blown off my family, ignored the gym, done the minimum at work, and favored friends over sleep. My soul has been recharged at the expense of my waistline. An unhealthy glow has crept over me. Totally worth it.
But it is time to turn my attention back to reality.
This has been a week of lists. I love marking things off of checklists. The satisfaction propels me forward, yearning for the next hit of accomplishment. Glorious.
In addition to all of my yellow Post-It lists at work, my friend Annie and I made a joint project list early in the week. We have all of these ideas we keep saying we need to follow up on, so we put them on a shared list. And we have both been working on them.
I listed my need for a new job first, so I have brushed up the resume, met with a tech guy who can build me an online profile, arranged for a headshot (coincidentally got a hair cut and some fresh color), and started claiming usernames across the internet to help with my Google rankings.
Annie wants her house organized, so I bought her a new set of Tupperware and gave her permission to throw out all of the old stuff and start fresh, since that was the cupboard that bothered her most. Today I brought over a friend who loves to organize and will help with the rest.
Annie knows I want to go on one date per month, so she set up a profile on Match. All I had to do was sign in. I still can’t believe she did all that work for me just because it was one of my goals.
Annie wants to start a non-profit together, so she started researching URLs and we found three other people who are willing to share their time and talents (including Jodi – awesome!).
Everything is moving forward. I am moving forward. Now that I have shaken off all that mud I feel like I have crested a hill and want to go running down the other side. Each step that I take on all of these little projects makes me feel lighter. I am building speed as I go. And just like any workout, it is easier having company. If I could I would invite everyone I know to join the list. I have so many smart, talented, resourceful friends we could probably solve world hunger. Maybe I’ll save that until we get everything crossed off of the current list….
I am so grateful for our list. I love having directions. The list gives me a path to follow, and the path looks so easy. I’m not worried about what’s at the bottom of the hill. I am just taking things one crossed-off step at a time. I have help, and when I get bored with my list I have Annie’s to work on.
How did I never realize that life could be so simple and so fulfilling at the same time? It doesn’t seem to matter whether the tasks I am completing are big or small. I just find a way to do them, cross them off, and start to feel fantastic. Sure, someday the list may lose its luster. But right now it’s the greatest thing since the frozen pizza and takeout I’ve been living on lately. And isn’t finding the upside of “right now†the whole point?